I want to share my recollections regarding her birth.
First, it’s important to understand that Mom and I were very
interested in having a baby. So when we struggled and struggled to get
pregnant, it wore on us very much. It wore us down physically, spiritually, and
mentally. We struggled to have a baby for six years, undergoing test after
test, procedure after procedure.
We were somewhat convinced that we would never have a baby
on our own. So we began the adoption process. We used LDS Family Services
because of the spiritual nature of the adoption process. When you want to adopt
a baby, it’s kind of a long process. You need to write an introductory letter
to potential birth mothers that help them understand you and determine if
you’re a good fit for the type of home they want to place their baby. You
submit pictures, a letter from your Bishop, financial information, and have a
home study where they come to your home to see where you’ll be raising the baby
and to determine if you are fit for having a baby.
We figured if we did this, that someday we would be chosen.
We had no idea if or when, but also figured that if it were the right thing God
would show His Hand.
In the course of waiting a thoughtful doctor discovered a
tumor in Mom’s thyroid that proved to be cancerous. Mom was scheduled for a
surgery in which the tumor and Mom’s thyroid were removed. Unfortunately, we
learned a few short days later that they missed some of it and if you don’t
remove it all, it could return or spread. So Mom went into surgery again.
It was a hectic, terrible period of time for us. I was
getting my MBA and commuting to SLC every day early in the morning. Mom was
working. Add in the sadness about the cancer as well as the infertility, and
you can imagine what a tough time we were having.
A few weeks after the cancer, while Mom was recuperating at
home we got an unexpected call from LDS Family Services. Tom, our caseworker,
wanted to meet us the following evening and share some news with us. It was
exciting and nerve wracking 24 hours!
On the day he was to come, Mom was busy doing her hair in
the next bathroom. While she was doing so, she heard a voice say, “It’s a girl,
and her name is Abby.” She heard it distinctly enough so as to relate it to me.
We put it aside and continued getting the house and ourselves ready.
Tom came to our home that evening with a letter and some
news. We had been selected by a young couple named Katie and Kyle who had
selected us to place their baby girl. They wanted to meet us, tomorrow in
Farmington, Utah.
If you think it was nerve wracking to get the news, try
preparing for that next day. We drove up to Farmington in our green Mazda 626
nervous as can be. They still had every option, including choosing another
family or keeping the baby for themselves.
We sat down in the room with their caseworker and Tom (I
think). In came Katie and Kyle. I can picture them in my mind…she was wearing
overalls and looked so young. Kyle too looked so little.
What do you talk about? What do you say? I don’t honestly
remember anything. All that I remember was this awkward feeling of not really
knowing what to say.
Kyle asked if we had thought of a name. I replied that we
had liked the name Grace, but that Melanie thought we should name her Abby.
They both got a shocked look on their face. They
looked…surprised. They replied that they ever since they had found out it was a
girl that they had been calling her Abby and were themselves unsure how they
could call her anything else. In that moment we decided that your name would be
Abby, as spoken by God.
The tension or awkwardness disappeared. We found out other
things that just kind of made it feel right. Katie’s grandparents were serving
a mission in Jamaica at the time and Nettie’s birthday was the same as mine.
We spent time with them and grew to love them in that
moment.
Fast-forward a few weeks. We had told very few people
because these things fall through and we didn’t want to have to un-tell people.
But we prepared Abby’s little room in the Country Woods condo.
Abby was born on Feb 3, 2002 in Salt Lake City. We didn’t
find out till Monday since the adoption service was closed, but was informed
that following Monday to return to Farmington on Tuesday, Feb 5 where Abby
would be placed with us.
February 5 was the most bittersweet day in our lives. We
arrived and were asked to sit in a room. Shortly afterward we saw Katie and
Kyle, along with their families, arrive. Katie and Kyle went into a different
room. Their families came in separately and spent time with us. It seemed like
hours that we spoke with them, learned about them, and shared our story. I
remember the Snelgroves were very open and friendly. The Craigs were more
reserved and harder to talk to.
Hours went by. Then we heard a faint cry in a different part
of the location. It was the first time we’d ever heard Abby’s little voice. A
few minutes later Katie and Kyle entered the room with Abby in a beautiful
little dress. It was as small as an Doll’s dress. Abby was simply perfect. I
remember just holding her, and Melanie, and Katie and Kyle. The only words I
remember saying were, “She’s perfect”. You were!
They didn’t stay long. We said our goodbyes – for them,
maybe they thought forever – and we just held Abby and looked at her and cried.
I’ve never cried more in my life – both for the immense joy and blessing we had
in looking at Abby.
It was a cold, February day when we took you home. We called
our Moms and families and took you home and loved you more than we had ever
loved anyone before.
There were so many lessons in that experience.
God has a plan for each of us.
God knows our name.
Sometimes we need to wait on the Lord. But his blessings are
sure.
It is in our darkest moments when God is most there.
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