A simple thought on the Atonement

A simple thought popped into my head the other day:

The Resurrection heals our body

The Atonement heals our soul

The resurrection seems in some ways to be easier (for a God). Bodies can be healed and fixed, restored to their original frame. The original blueprint is in the code, so it's really about bringing it all together as it should've been.

The Atonement is far more complicated (in my mind). It is not a reassembling of a body, but the complicated process of helping us overcome the gravity of sin, untangled bundle of knots that comprise our positive and negative life experience, the forgiveness and repentance, the submission of wills and personality to Christ.

A new adventure

Three weeks ago I began a new type of adventure: one that I've talked about for a while that is becoming a reality - teaching college! I'm an adjunct professor at the Spencer Eccles School of Business at the University of Utah teaching a course on B2B marketing.

It started with me reaching out to the Dean (who I know from my MBA) and inquiring about opportunities. Quickly he turned me on to the Marketing Chair and we met earlier this year. He was impressed by my career and experience and thought I would be a great fit. That started the process by which I was asked to teach this class.

Never having created my own coursework, my efforts quickly focused on building a syllabus and set of course work to guide the class. It took me many hours to lock on the right syllabus and plan, but I have it all settled (for the most part) and have now taught about three classes. It has been tough, especially up front, but I've been most thankful for the efforts of friends and colleagues who have come in and helped take some of the teaching responsibility off my shoulders. All in all, the students seem to enjoy the class and the feedback thus far has been largely positive.

Mostly though I'm proud that I did it. It's easy to not follow your dreams and there are many reasons why it doesn't make sense. Yet, I committed to it and am doing it and can now say that I'm a college professor! Kinda fun.

Midnight thoughts

Tonight as I read this great talk I was impressed by a key concept of having the faith to "not be healed" is as important as having the faith to be healed. The scriptures are replete with instances where Christ performed a miracle by the power of the priesthood. For him, it was easy and second nature. He was so close to this power, so perfect, has such understanding that it would not be hard.

Yet, there must have been instances where he did not heal. Where he did not raise the dead. When he knew that he must let nature take its course. Just like today, sometimes the miracle comes and sometimes it is not part of the plan.

How difficult it must've been for him to not do something in that moment. With infinite power at his disposal, not doing something must've been difficult. After all, each instance of healing lifted people's faith. To choose to not heal must've had a negative effect on those around him. It's an idea to continue to swirl on.

Tonight I find myself restless. Work is stressful with the recent layoffs and uncertainty. School begins and I'm worried to teach my first class. I am struggling with my commitment to stay fit and healthy as the stresses mount. Every plate that I have spinning seems to be wobbly and ready to fall. 

Yet, I need to have faith. I also need to give myself a break. I can't be expected to be the best teacher year one - that would be completely impossible. I've never done it before, and there will be much to learn. This is as much about me imparting my knowledge and advice, as it is about me learning if it's something I'd want to do more regularly. Even with my health choices - I'm still a newbie here. Of course there will be challenges and difficulties - I knew this day would come. How I attack it is the only thing that matters.

It reminds me of a great article that I recently read by Steven Lund, President of Nuskin, in a BYU Law magazine. In it he talks about how he has faced a number of real challenges - personally and professionally. In these challenges, he noted how he began to invite God into these challenges. 

He asked God to "Soldier with me". "Practice law with me." "Negotiate with me."

What a powerful concept. I know that God wants to be active in our lives. Yet, he always wants to be invited. His mighty arm is outstretched - only I choose whether to reach myself.

And reach myself is what I need to do. I need to turn over my work stresses to Him. My teaching stresses. My family stresses. He will not take them away, but in them he will strengthen me. I believe it's true and want to test in my life now. 

Midnight thoughts

Tonight as I read this great talk I was impressed by a key concept of having the faith to "not be healed" is as important as having the faith to be healed. The scriptures are replete with instances where Christ performed a miracle by the power of the priesthood. For him, it was easy and second nature. He was so close to this power, so perfect, has such understanding that it would not be hard.

Yet, there must have been instances where he did not heal. Where he did not raise the dead. When he knew that he must let nature take its course. Just like today, sometimes the miracle comes and sometimes it is not part of the plan.

How difficult it must've been for him to not do something in that moment. With infinite power at his disposal, not doing something must've been difficult. After all, each instance of healing lifted people's faith. To choose to not heal must've had a negative effect on those around him. It's an idea to continue to swirl on.

Tonight I find myself restless. Work is stressful with the recent layoffs and uncertainty. School begins and I'm worried to teach my first class. I am struggling with my commitment to stay fit and healthy as the stresses mount. Every plate that I have spinning seems to be wobbly and ready to fall. 

Yet, I need to have faith. I also need to give myself a break. I can't be expected to be the best teacher year one - that would be completely impossible. I've never done it before, and there will be much to learn. This is as much about me imparting my knowledge and advice, as it is about me learning if it's something I'd want to do more regularly. Even with my health choices - I'm still a newbie here. Of course there will be challenges and difficulties - I knew this day would come. How I attack it is the only thing that matters.

It reminds me of a great article that I recently read by Steven Lund, President of Nuskin, in a BYU Law magazine. In it he talks about how he has faced a number of real challenges - personally and professionally. In these challenges, he noted how he began to invite God into these challenges. 

He asked God to "Soldier with me". "Practice law with me." "Negotiate with me."

What a powerful concept. I know that God wants to be active in our lives. Yet, he always wants to be invited. His mighty arm is outstretched - only I choose whether to reach myself.

And reach myself is what I need to do. I need to turn over my work stresses to Him. My teaching stresses. My family stresses. He will not take them away, but in them he will strengthen me. I believe it's true and want to test in my life now. 

What I like...

About being thinner.

I've been really focused this year on losing weight, trying to go about it in the right way by working out in the morning and watching and tracking what I eat. It's been a successful venture thus far - I'm down almost 40 lbs and have gained some muscles.

Maria suggested I log what I like about being thinner. Here are some things:

1) Energy levels are consistently high. At times, almost euphoric. My energy keeps me engaged and active throughout the day, which really is helping me at work.
2) Mental functions are improving. It's shocking to see the impact of sugar - equally interesting to see the impact of not eating sugar. My mental focus is crisper and I find myself more engaged. This is partly why I think I'm "killing it at work".
3) Thinner looks better. I like how I look much better, and am starting to take better care of myself, up level how I dress, and trying to just overall look nicer.
4) It's a fun project. It gives me something to watch and play with, gives me something to talk about, and something to focus on.
5) Able to do more. Today I ran most of 2 miles. That's kinda exciting, you know. Previously I wouldn't have been able to - let alone think I should - run two miles in the morning. Is it a lot? No. Is it a lot for me, yes.
6) Purpose of food is changing. I see food as much as fuel as fun. Don't get me wrong - I love junk food still, always will. But my mental state around food, especially the concept of treating treats as treats, not as a staple of every meal, it a powerful mental bridge to cross.
7) Increased confidence. My personal confidence is through the roof. I walk with a spring, have a better sense of myself, feel qualified to take on new challenges. Sounds too much, I know. It's as much about how I look, how I feel as anything else. I walk into the gym, and even if I'm not the healthiest person there, I am still going.
8) Starting the day off right. It's rewarding and fulfilling to start the day off on such a positive step. It sets the tone of the day for being productive and fulfilling. One of the major things I would think about throughout the day is done, and I'm ready to execute.
9) People see the difference. People are noticing, and it's fun to be noticed for making a positive difference.

It's an ongoing journey and one that I look forward to tackling over and over again. I am much happier with where I am physically and am proud of the work.

An unexpected miracle

For most of my life my Dad has been away from the Church. In my mind, it would always be like that. But in the last year a miracle has happened. One that I never thought would happen - no, not in this lifetime. He has returned to the Church! Not just returned but going religiously, doing his home teaching, becoming fully involved in every way. The prodigal has returned. He it was who originally listened to his friend, and then the missionaries, and took the baptismal plunge. But then he strayed. For years - I don't know how many, but it must've been 35 years or more - he has been out in the world out of the protection of the Gospel.

But now he has returned! And returned with a burning.

Today he gave the first talk in Church in 3 1/2 decades. I've pasted a version of it below. It's a beautiful talk.

Truly, the story of the prodigal son applies here. The leaving. The returning. The mixed emotions. The broken trust. The feelings of loss. The feelings of hope. The redemption.

The Life and Attributes of Christ, by Hugh Kennedy

March 20, 2016

Thank you sister Van Horn. Now I know how Charles Brill and Mitzi McCall felt on Feb 4, 1964…Some of you that are a bit older may remember them…They were the comedy team that followed the Beatles’ first appearance on the Ed Sullivan show.

I pray that the spirit will continue to abide with me and direct me as to what I am about to say.

In Mark chapter 8 verses 27 thru 29 we read:

And Jesus went out and his disciples into the towns of Caesaria and Phillippi and by the way He asked His disciples, saying unto them.

“Whom do men say I am?”

And they answered:

“John the Baptist, but some say Elias, and others say One of the prophets of old”

And He sayest unto them,

“But whom do you say I am?”

And Peter answered and said:

“Thou art the Christ”

This, from our primordial existence has been the question that we have all had to answer.

            

“But whom do you (Hugh) say I am?”

This man Jesus, of the lineage of David, born in Bethlehem, raised a Nazarene, taught at his mother’s knee, was given by His Heavenly Father and accepted the charge of bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of all mankind.

He had his free agency as we all do.  He chose to accept all that was required of Him to become the literal Savior of all that would follow him and keep the commandments that have been given them.

From the very beginning, He knew what would be required of Him. He explained it to the Apostles on the way to Caesaria and Phillippi. As stated later in Mark verse 31 He tells the Apostles:

…That “the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected of the elders and of the chief priests and scribes and be killed and after 3 days rise again.”

In the preexistence Jesus determined that He was going to, in every regard, do the will of the Father in all things. He was prepared before the foundations of the world to come to earth as the Messiah and redeem a fallen world as the one savior of all mankind. 

We were created and reared as spirit children to our Heavenly Parents in our preexistent first estate and chose to accept the Plan of Salvation, which included Christ as our Savior (to the glory of the Father) and by so doing punched our ticket to come into this mortal world (our 2^nd estate) to learn and be tested. 

As it stated in Moses 3: verse 5:

“And every plant of the field before it was on the earth and every herb of the field before it grew.  For I the Lord God created all things, of which I have spoken, spiritually before they were naturally upon the face of the earth.”

And then in verse 7 He says:

“And I the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living soul, the first flesh upon the earth the first man also. Nevertheless all things were before created, but spiritually were they created and made according to My Word.”

What word could this scripture be referring to?

In John 1:1 it says:

”In the beginning was the word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were created by Him and without was not anything made that was made.”

So…here we have it…Heavenly Father is the Engineer and Jesus Christ is the builder, not only of everything that was made, but of the plan through which we are able to return to that celestial home from whence we came.

He was the perfect example of all we need to aspire to.  It is not that there aren’t others that are worthy of emulation, but, in order to fulfill all that is required of us, if we are to return to our eternal home, we only need to do one simple thing.

As He stated many times from the shores of the Sea of Galilee, to the people of the American continent, and to the present day:

“Follow Me!”

For the next few minutes I want us to ponder the most important of Jesus’s attributes.  This attribute is foundational to all else that He was:

He so eloquently expressed it on that darkest and most horrific of nights in the Garden of Gethsemane, knowing full well what he was asked to do by His Heavenly Father. He had a full knowledge of what was about to befall him, when he said:

“Oh, My father if this cup may not pass away from me except I drink of it…Thy will be done.”

From the beginning in the preexistence to the present day, His one driving force was to do the will of His Father in Heaven, our Father in Heaven.

If we are to follow Christ as He suggests we do; how do we do it? In my mind it seems that I must do as he did and do the will of Our Father in Heaven.

I realized as I pondered this that so many times these ideas are presented as commandments with rewards and punishments associated with compliance and noncompliance.  I have decided to hire Christ as my life coach so I can one day be as much like him as possible. Since I cannot have face to face meeting and lessons I must use what is available to me.

Now…we know from scripture that anything in righteousness that is important to us is important to Heavenly Father. Look it up…it’s in the D & C.

Firstly I must show Heavenly Father that this is important to me. I must study, pray, fast as needed, attend meetings where inspired speakers can help me along the way.  Most importantly I must keep the commandments, repent constantly as needed, honor my covenants, and magnify my priesthood and enduring to the end, do everything in my power to accomplish this goal of being Christ like. Why would I do all of this?

Because Heavenly Father is true to his word…As He says in Doctrine and Covenants 82:10:

“I the Lord am bound if you do what I say; but when you do not what I say you have no promise.”

 He will work on our behalf so we can accomplish our most important righteous objectives. Secondly, we have the opportunity to have a member of the Godhead with us at all times.  The Holy Ghost can be our constant source of information as to the Will of God with respect to our daily activities. Through all of these means I have the ability to choose my thoughts, words, and deeds to be in accordance with God’s Will or not.

I have been paying very close attention this last year as to when the Holy Ghost is most present.

Sometimes, it feels I am walking along with a close friend like Dory. I am receiving promptings, I am responding to them, and there is this amazing peace and joy.  The path seems so clear.

Other times it is like having a reluctant partner.  He wants to help. I can feel His presence, but there is some distance and so our communication is limited.

Then there are times when He is just gone.  It is devastating.  I have really screwed up and frantically search my behavior to determine what has driven Him away.

In the process of pondering all of this I had a vision:

I was walking through a forest and came across a small fawn.  It was so beautiful, innocent and intensely sensitive and alert to my every move.  Watching me, it was ready to bolt if I made one wrong move. However, if I was careful and approached it lovingly it would permit me to caress it. In other words it would abide my presence.

I like to think the Holy Ghost is like that small fawn. It is a being of such purity and love that it wants nothing more than to comfort and guide us.  However it cannot abide the least amount of evil. When I am mean spirited, when I get angry, judgmental or negative in any way, or worse, I think that The Spirit must flee my presence.

The beauty of this for me is that in some ways it is like a sentinel.  When I know it is there, I know I am on the correct path. When it isn’t, I know that I need a correction of some kind.

When I am following Christ through that forest, no matter how far ahead of me He may be.  I have a sweet, innocent, pure, companion, guide and comforter to assist me in my journey.  I am never alone. With the Holy Ghost walking along with me I am inspired to be a better man, a better husband, a better brother, father, friend and especially a truer servant of my Beloved Heavenly Father.

As I obey those promptings and learn the will of God with respect to my life I can “wax strong in the presence of God” and face to face with Jesus one day when He asks “Whom do you Hugh say I am?”  I can say to Him with complete confidence Thou art the Christ.

I testify that Jesus Christ is our older brother. By whatever means I know not He came to this earth, (part man, part God) and took upon himself by whatever means I know not, all the sins, trials, tribulations and pain of all mankind and redeemed each and every one of us when we repent and Follow Him.

As we strive to follow him and learn the Will of the Father and practice those Christ like attributes the Holy Ghost will comfort and guide us along the path back to our eternal home.

I testify that Jesus Christ did actually rise from the dead and opened the doors for us to eternal life.

I know the Book of Mormon to be the word of God and that Joseph Smith was the first prophet in these latter days. He restored the fullness of the gospel to the earth.  I testify that Thomas S. Monson is a true prophet and leads Christ’s church and I say these things in the name of our Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

Where do the stars go during the day?

When I was in 3rd grade our teacher posed a very interesting question to me:

Where do the stars go during the day?

We all sat there dumb in our seats. Except I wasn't dumb. I thought about it and knew where they went. Nowhere. They were still there, you just couldn't see them because of the light.

Yet I sat there, lacking the confidence to say what I knew.

I've never felt smart. It stems back to lots of experiences and people telling me I wasn't smart.

Yet, I am smart. Not genius smart, but smart smart.

I still struggle with this as an adult, but as I get more insight into the roots of this mental disability I'm able to understand how to work it.

For instance, if I'm going into a meeting with lots of smart people, I need to prep ahead. I need to commit to saying something early and engaging. I need to not multitask. Stuff like that.

A little update

Since Jan I've been pretty focused on getting healthy. MyFitness Pal is awesome and I'm using it religiously. I weigh myself every day. And work out five times a week. And I'm down 18lbs. That's all :)

Fun with Abby and Maddie...

Today I had the opportunity to join Abby on her BIG 14th birthday for a field trip to the Natural History museum. It was fun to see her interacting with a bunch of teenagers...she really stands out with poise, a strong internal sense of self, courage to do hard things, and a solid head on her shoulders. She was put with a bunch of kids that she didn't know, and even though she was uncomfortable she did a great job having fun, doing the lessons, and being a kid.

I spoke with a few teachers and they glowed about what a great kid Abby is, etc.

After work I ran, and fortunately made it, to Maddie's teacher conference. Maddie is doing a great job in school - she's exceeding in everything and doing so very well. Some of the comments about Maddie included: she's darling, on task, organized, helps other kids, is a born leader, excelling at everything. I was most proud of Mrs. Blankinship saying how Maddie has done a great job of helping a girl in her class who needed a friend and that the other day, during recess, she went and found a girl who was alone and invited her to play. I loved smart and advanced, but that's what gets me truly happy.

There's one smart boy in Maddie's Class

How do I know? Um, this.

It begs the question: Why?

Is it her beauty? Kindness? Intelligence? Humor? Good nature? Sweetness? Maybe all the above?

Another interesting note: some Mom said to Melanie:

"My son said that every girl bugs him, except Maddie".

In Honor of Abby's 14th Birthday...

I want to share my recollections regarding her birth.

First, it’s important to understand that Mom and I were very interested in having a baby. So when we struggled and struggled to get pregnant, it wore on us very much. It wore us down physically, spiritually, and mentally. We struggled to have a baby for six years, undergoing test after test, procedure after procedure.

We were somewhat convinced that we would never have a baby on our own. So we began the adoption process. We used LDS Family Services because of the spiritual nature of the adoption process. When you want to adopt a baby, it’s kind of a long process. You need to write an introductory letter to potential birth mothers that help them understand you and determine if you’re a good fit for the type of home they want to place their baby. You submit pictures, a letter from your Bishop, financial information, and have a home study where they come to your home to see where you’ll be raising the baby and to determine if you are fit for having a baby.

We figured if we did this, that someday we would be chosen. We had no idea if or when, but also figured that if it were the right thing God would show His Hand.

In the course of waiting a thoughtful doctor discovered a tumor in Mom’s thyroid that proved to be cancerous. Mom was scheduled for a surgery in which the tumor and Mom’s thyroid were removed. Unfortunately, we learned a few short days later that they missed some of it and if you don’t remove it all, it could return or spread. So Mom went into surgery again.

It was a hectic, terrible period of time for us. I was getting my MBA and commuting to SLC every day early in the morning. Mom was working. Add in the sadness about the cancer as well as the infertility, and you can imagine what a tough time we were having.

A few weeks after the cancer, while Mom was recuperating at home we got an unexpected call from LDS Family Services. Tom, our caseworker, wanted to meet us the following evening and share some news with us. It was exciting and nerve wracking 24 hours!

On the day he was to come, Mom was busy doing her hair in the next bathroom. While she was doing so, she heard a voice say, “It’s a girl, and her name is Abby.” She heard it distinctly enough so as to relate it to me. We put it aside and continued getting the house and ourselves ready.

Tom came to our home that evening with a letter and some news. We had been selected by a young couple named Katie and Kyle who had selected us to place their baby girl. They wanted to meet us, tomorrow in Farmington, Utah.

If you think it was nerve wracking to get the news, try preparing for that next day. We drove up to Farmington in our green Mazda 626 nervous as can be. They still had every option, including choosing another family or keeping the baby for themselves.

We sat down in the room with their caseworker and Tom (I think). In came Katie and Kyle. I can picture them in my mind…she was wearing overalls and looked so young. Kyle too looked so little.

What do you talk about? What do you say? I don’t honestly remember anything. All that I remember was this awkward feeling of not really knowing what to say.

Kyle asked if we had thought of a name. I replied that we had liked the name Grace, but that Melanie thought we should name her Abby.

They both got a shocked look on their face. They looked…surprised. They replied that they ever since they had found out it was a girl that they had been calling her Abby and were themselves unsure how they could call her anything else. In that moment we decided that your name would be Abby, as spoken by God.

The tension or awkwardness disappeared. We found out other things that just kind of made it feel right. Katie’s grandparents were serving a mission in Jamaica at the time and Nettie’s birthday was the same as mine.

We spent time with them and grew to love them in that moment.

Fast-forward a few weeks. We had told very few people because these things fall through and we didn’t want to have to un-tell people. But we prepared Abby’s little room in the Country Woods condo.

Abby was born on Feb 3, 2002 in Salt Lake City. We didn’t find out till Monday since the adoption service was closed, but was informed that following Monday to return to Farmington on Tuesday, Feb 5 where Abby would be placed with us.

February 5 was the most bittersweet day in our lives. We arrived and were asked to sit in a room. Shortly afterward we saw Katie and Kyle, along with their families, arrive. Katie and Kyle went into a different room. Their families came in separately and spent time with us. It seemed like hours that we spoke with them, learned about them, and shared our story. I remember the Snelgroves were very open and friendly. The Craigs were more reserved and harder to talk to.

Hours went by. Then we heard a faint cry in a different part of the location. It was the first time we’d ever heard Abby’s little voice. A few minutes later Katie and Kyle entered the room with Abby in a beautiful little dress. It was as small as an Doll’s dress. Abby was simply perfect. I remember just holding her, and Melanie, and Katie and Kyle. The only words I remember saying were, “She’s perfect”. You were!

They didn’t stay long. We said our goodbyes – for them, maybe they thought forever – and we just held Abby and looked at her and cried. I’ve never cried more in my life – both for the immense joy and blessing we had in looking at Abby.

It was a cold, February day when we took you home. We called our Moms and families and took you home and loved you more than we had ever loved anyone before.

There were so many lessons in that experience.

God has a plan for each of us.

God knows our name.

Sometimes we need to wait on the Lord. But his blessings are sure.

It is in our darkest moments when God is most there.

Recently, while studying the scriptures...

This verse in Matthew (27) stopped me.

 35 And they crucified him, and parted his garments, casting lots: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots.

I stopped for a minute and thought about this. While it doesn't specifically call out in the scriptures, he was probably very poor. He had no where to lay his head, no home to call his own. He was rarely in the same place, and I imagine if he had any possessions they were on his person. With no money, his clothing was probably given to him by people who loved him and worried about him. I imagined (to myself) that his coat might have come from his Mother, Mary, or maybe a hand-me down from Joseph. 

While the Son of God, he still was mortal. He appreciated his few small things. He treasured his coat.

Which is why I stopped on this. 

In front of him, in the midst of being accused, tortured, and prepared for execution, even his clothing was stripped from him in a final moment of humiliation. 

As I read this, I felt such sadness for Jesus. 

I'm staring down my biggest enemy...

In a meeting.

There's several boxes of donuts looking at me. I'm looking at them. We stare each other down.

But today I'm strong. Saying no.

Today I win.

I wrote this on September 22, 2014 regarding a special experience I had in Sammamish, Washington

About two months ago a recruiter from Amazon reached out to me inquiring about a role for a new, confidential product for small businesses. I’ve interviewed with Amazon for a number of roles and for some reason this one stood out to me as a ground floor opportunity. So I had a few informationals with people on the team for me to learn about them, them to learn about me. Each time they wanted to keep moving forward, but I was hesitant and had reservations about working at Amazon. Still, I’ve always believed in turning down offers, not opportunities, so I went forward.

A few weeks ago I was invited for an in person interview. I didn’t know at the time how hard these are to win. I accepted but was not interested, honestly, based on what I’ve heard about Amazon’s culture, pay, and commute. But I felt like it is always good to practice interviewing even though in my heart I was not interested. In fact the day before the interview I was tempted to cancel the interview. Why spend the time going to Seattle for a day of interviews? But not wanted to burn bridges I went forward assuming that I would either not be the right candidate or the offer would be easy to turn down.

I normally have a pre-interview process that I go through, but since I didn’t care if I took it or not I did a little studying in the morning before the interview and then headed out. I was not worried either way.

It was a tough, full day of interviews. If I’m honest I would give myself a very poor grade. It was a constant peppering of questions with little time for discussion – just them asking and me talking for 5 hours. Plus although they bought me a salad for lunch there was no time to eat it so by the end I was tired, hungry, and had low blood sugar. All in all, it was not a great performance on my part.

I called Melanie on the way home and said, “That sucked. There’s no way I would ever take that job. I didn’t like the people and blew it.” Good experience, but not the next big thing.

To my astonishment the recruiter called two days later and offered me the job. I was surprised that they were serious about moving forward with me, but it is always good to hear the offer details. She shared what it was but also asked about my current compensation. Fortunately, I had two very good years at MS and so was able to state a fairly high number. Without even asking she offered to go to the compensation board and push for more. The next day she brought a very compelling offer that exceeded my expectations. Now I was really interested and began thinking and pondering.

As I did so one night I decided to read the Book of Mormon and opened up immediately to the part in 1 Nephi when Nephi had returned from his glorious vision and found his brothers bickering over an interpretation of a dream. Nephi, hearing this, asked them if they had “inquired of the Lord?” This question brought to mind that I needed to sincerely ask God for help in deciding. So I did, in more earnest and sincerity. I continued to study, discuss, and look at the pros and cons…but also asked God to help me know and to make it clear to me how I should proceed.

The recruiter was heading out on vacation and so I had extra time to decide. During her absence rumors started to circulate about a reorg and layoff. Although I was unhappy in the role, I did not think I would be touched as my role was still a significant amount of work. I pushed the recruiter off till Thursday with the hope of seeing where I would land as part of the reorg. Maybe I would land on a better team where I’d have a good manager, or have a new opportunity that was better?

The Thursday morning came and I was invited to meet with my VP. At first I figured he wanted to explain the reorg and discuss what would happen to me as I would now be in a different org. But as I thought about it, I quickly realized there was a good chance of being laid off. I was nervous when I went in and received the bad news. When I showed up it was the VP and some HR wonk. I said, “this doesn’t bode well.” In fact I had been riffed as part of the reorg. Six years of Microsoft experience, including several years of strong reviews (1, 1, 2) were over. It was discouraging and humiliating. I felt hurt and betrayed.

But I also knew something they didn’t know. I had the Amazon offer. I went from being 85% leaning towards Amazon to 100% in an instant. I was a bit on pins and needles while I waited to chat with the recruiter, but when we spoke that evening and told her I was committed we were both excited.

We’ve often felt like there was a purpose in coming to Seattle. The Microsoft job was a miracle initially, and this was another example of God watching out for us. Had I been laid off without a job we would have put this house on the market and headed to Utah for a simpler life. But now I have a great job at Amazon, have a month off to get ready, and have a nice severance. Plus the great Amazon pay and compensation on top. All of these are great blessings.

And that’s what I learned for myself – that God has a plan for us. He had one for me. I have no idea why he took such care to orchestrate this blessing and miracle but he did. He started working on this months before I needed it. He kept it going when I didn’t see the opportunity. Those who interviewed me saw something in me that I didn’t think was there which helped me land the job. And the timing was simply without question a miracle. I was never really even unemployed. It all fit together like a puzzle. It is humbling to think of this blessing.

A friend shared a scripture I had never heard before when I told him of of my decision making process around Amazon (and I hadn’t told him of Microsoft) that is found in Psalms 37: 23 which reads “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.” I don’t consider myself a particularly good man or more deserving of blessings than the next person. But I do believe that if we put our lives in his hands, make covenants, and do our best to serve he will help order our steps.

I gave this talk in Redmond, Washington in 2009

The title of my talk today is Waiting Patiently on the Lord.

My daughter Maddie is a tremendously sweet, smart, creative girl. But like most 3 year olds, she lacks patience. Many evenings she might say “I want to go to the park.” I must be very careful how I respond, because if I say “sure, we can go to the park” she will immediately interpret that to mean we can go to the park now. And if I say “we’ll go in a few minutes” she will say “I want to go now”. And she’ll say it again and again until I can’t take it anymore. She’s very persistent, but not very patient.

Part of her lack of patience is that she really loves to play and really wants to go to the park. It’s a good desire, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But the other part is that she doesn’t have a good sense of time, so if I say  “we’ll go in a few minutes” that doesn’t mean as much to her. She wants it NOW.

In the eternal scheme of things I think sometimes we must seem like 3 year olds to Heavenly Father. We look up to him and ask:

When will I get married?

When will I get a job?

When will I have a family?

When will my health improve?

When will my children return to the Church?

These are all righteous desires. But they all have the component of time associated with them, and it’s in the waiting that we become frustrated. And it’s this reason that we need patience so much - because sometimes God’s answer to us is “be patient.”

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said “Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His”.

Patience is closely related to many Christ-like attributes, but especially to hope and faith – because sometimes we are required to wait for the promised blessings of the Lord to be fulfilled. President Monson said, “Life is full of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature. There seems to be an unending supply of challenges for one and all. Our problem is that we expect instantaneous solutions to such challenges forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required”.

I know that I’ve questioned Heavenly Father and his timing before, when my patience was tried and tested. Let me share one personal example.

When Melanie and I were first married, we looked forward to having children. That’s a righteous blessing, and our patriarchal blessings told us we would have children. So we had faith. And we waited. But year after year, nothing but frustration and hopelessness as we wondered what God’s plan was for us and our family. We were frustrated when people would say things to us or ask us when we were going to have kids. Of the many challenges that our family has undergone, I think this test challenged our faith and patience in God’s plan more than any other thing.

More than 7 years ago, during this time of great frustration and test of patience we were having a particularly troubling stretch. My sweet wife Melanie was diagnosed with cancer, and underwent a series of treatments. Shortly after her second surgery we received a surprising call. Through the blessing of LDS Family Services we were selected to adopt a beautiful little girl. In the middle of this tremendously difficult time, the blessing that we had hoped and waited for was finally about to come to pass. The timing couldn’t have been worse, or better. A few weeks later, and in the most unexpected way and time, our little Abby came into our home.

If we had it our way, and on our timeline, it’s possible that Abby might never have come to our home. A million things had to happen to us, and to others, to orchestrate that miracle. I think it’s safe to assume that had we been able to have children when we wanted to, we never ever would have had Abby. It wouldn’t have been part of the plan. That experience really helped us understand that God has a plan, and that when we are patient we will be blessed more than we could ever know.

I think each of you have had many similar experiences. The characters have changed, and the challenges are different. Some are bigger, others smaller. But each of us will face challenges or mortality. And when we patiently endure, we will be redeemed.

In God’s eyes, he sees us on an eternal journey. This leg, called mortality, is important, but it’s part of a long eternal journey. And when we patiently and faithfully endure the trials of mortality, we grow closer and closer to becoming more like our Father.

C.S. Lewis put it in a way that I love. He asked us to imagine that you are a living house. We invite God into our life, and ask him to rebuild that house. But like most things, this takes time and is harder than we thought it would be. At first, perhaps, we understand what He is doing. He is fixing the plumbing and repairing the roof – things you knew needed to have done and so we’re not surprised. But then He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts too much, and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to?

The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself. And he is patient in this pursuit. God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy and he will continue to work on us, here and there, patiently building little perfect beings.

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said this: “[The Lord] gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.”

With patience we gain a better perspective. We realize that time is something that is only measured to man, not to God. We understand that the difficulties and challenges that we undergo in this life are only a small thing, and that if we endure it well we will be exalter.

Martin Luther King Jr. once said “unearned suffering is redemptive”. I think part of what that means is that when we go through challenges, when we patiently endure suffering, we are changed. Our faith is tested, but not broken. And patience is the attribute that makes that possible.

Patience is a lost virtue in today’s society. We demand things immediately, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So much is so easily gained, that we forget that every good thing that ever comes does so line upon line, precept on precept. My prayer today is that we will each step back and patiently wait on the Lord’s blessings. One thing is sure…it will certainly be worth it.