Do you think fear is a genetic attribute?

I'm starting to think it is...I've been fearful of all sorts of things my whole life, just like my mom. And it turns out that Maddie, who kind of is a lot like me, has lot's of similar fears. Just made me wonder...what do you think?

Superpowers

I've always wanted a super power...when I was a kid I used to flick my wrists like Wolverine in the hopes that I would someday have adamantium claws of my own. I would pretend I had Spidey's webslingers. I can still imagine what it would feel like to fly like Superman. Even to this day when I walk through an automatic door I pretend I'm a Jedi opening the door with the Force. (what can I say, I'm an big kid in many many ways).

Lately though I've been thinking about what Superpowers I actually might have. Some people call them talents. Others strengths. But when I think of what my superpowers are I'm truly grateful for them.

It's taken me a while to be able to recognize my strengths. Being a Kennedy, I'm naturally kind of self-deprecating. As a family we don't like to recognize our strengths. On the other hand, we celebrate when others recognize us and I think deep down we know that there's something special there. But it's still hard to come out and admit that we have some goodness going on there.

I think the Gospel has something to do with it - we're taught to not to be prideful. Also, our humble upbringing combined with our genetic makeup make us resistant to boasting. At least that's what I think.

But I've been thinking about what my superpowers are, I think they are the following:

1. I think people like me quite easily - almost instantaneously. I don't mean that I'm so cool or anything. But I think I must put people at ease or something.

2. People trust me - I think I'm unassuming and approachable, making it easy for people to open up to me. And I'm genuinely interested in people, their lives, and their stories so that I think that comes across in a positive way.

3. I'm smart (enough). It's a good combination of social skills and the right kind of smarts. Still not book smart, and not great at exam situations (couldn't be further from reality). But in day to day life and the right kind of work I think I'm smart.

4. I work hard. Because I have done it all (dishwasher, bus boy, server, retail nerd) since I was a kid I know how to work. I think a lot of people I work with think that certain things are above them. Because I've worked my way up the chain, I'm willing to do what it takes.

5. Friendly. I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, but if I need to be I can be get along with anyone, anytime. I've had some doozy of co-workers and managers and I always get along with all of them.

6. Patient. Few things really ruffle my feathers. Because I had some really horrible experiences as a kid trying to learn things, I think I'm more understanding of others and willing to work with them.

7. Forgiving/empathetic. I can easily put myself in others shoes...I think this helps me be more forgiving and empathetic of others as they travel through life.

8. Funny. It's a certain kind of funny, but I think I do it pretty well.

Anywho, tell me if you agree/disagree. But I've been trying to figure out what I'm good at and I think these are pretty representative. I'm grateful for these superpowers. I sometimes wish I were smart like so and so, or handsome, or had a ton of musical talents or something. But when I think about those that I have I can't help but be grateful for them.

M&Ms

Nothing deep here...but I've been thinking a little lately about my favorite candy, Peanut M&Ms. After a lifetime of eating them, I've learned a few things.

1. Peanut or plain? Always Peanut. Something perfectly satifsying about biting down on the hard coating, hitting that little peanut inside, and the sweet and satisfying combination of flavors.

2. Serving size? One is too few...simply not satisfying. Three, kind of a mouthful. It turns out that two peanut M&Ms are the perfect mouthful.

3. Peanut M&Ms must be served at room tempature. Cold or chilled ruins it.

4. Regardless of what my friend Amy says, M&Ms all taste the same. There is no difference between the colors. I am color blind when it comes to Peanut M&Ms.

5. Where to buy them? The ones from a single serving container (such as you might pick up at a gas station) are good, but the best M&Ms are from a pounder bag (such as the kind that I get on my birthday or in my stocking at Christmas). Must be something in the packaging that makes them taste fresher and better. And avoid Peanut M&Ms that are sold bulk. They end up tasting like the Cinammon Bears in the bin next door.

Thanks for indulging me...send Peanut M&Ms if you want to thank me. And let me know if you agree or not.

Plus Size Love

In Feb 2007 while I worked at McCann they held a Love Song Writing contest to celebrate Valentine's Day. Having written some funny stuff in the past, I thought I would give it a whirl. My inspiration for this song, "Plus Size Love" was from an email that an odd co-worker sent out to the entire company. In it, she asked for a "Plus Size Model" to help model the wedding dress that she was making for her friend who lived in San Fran. She needed to make some tweaks to the dress, and needed someone to help her with the work. To help see if you might be the right size to qualify, she included in the attachment a picture of her friend, taken while at Comic Con.

It seemed like a true love story to me, so I composed a brief song that summed up the feelings of this Plus Size friend, on the eve of her wedding.

Here are the lyrics. Above is the video or here.

Plus-size love

Wookies and storm troopers – trekkers galore
But no love could be found on the Comic-con floor.
‘Til I saw your Spock ears – my heart skipped a beat
And I dropped the swag bag down at my feet.

You were there – in line for Bill Shat.
Looking so fine in your Revenge o’ Sith Hat.
When our eyes met, my heart it beat faster.
Like I was training with Yoda, Jedi master.

So here I am, in my dress that was sewn.
By a friend with a plus-sized model and flown.
For me to wear in our wedding o’ love.
With friends, family, and Picard up above.

And now, as one, we start out our life.
You as the husband, me as the wife.
I can’t help but think, oh how we’ve grown.
As we eat this fried chicken down to the bone.

Chorus

My plus-size love for you will not end.
Like Han and his Leia, lovers and friends.
My world goes warp speed when you touch my soft skin.
Together, as one, through thick and the thin.

I'm a geek...

I'm a geek for toys, that is.

I love toys. I mean I really love toys. Always have, always will. Kind of silly for an old dude to care about toys, but I like them plain and simple.

For the last couple of years I've been collecting different figures and toys that appeal to me. Right now that means figures, Robots, and cool collectibles. I buy them, look at them, and put them in boxes. Melanie thinks I'm nuts, and she's probably right. But when I talk with other people about what they collect, it turns out I'm not so nuts. My Dad collects Hot Wheels and Trucks. My friend collects Toasters. I simply like toys.

I still roam the aisles of Target, Wal-Mart, and Toys R Us in search of cool figures. And boy, there are some cool figures out there right now people. And with a little more disposable income I simply can't help myself. Recently I purchased these figures below. I loved these for one main reason: the size and the flexibility! A lot of figures are too rigid, have too many accessories, and just don't seem to be made for playing. So when I saw these I fell in love immediately. I would have played with these figures till they broke when I was a kid. So I picked them up, explained to Mel that's I'm a little nuts, and bought Spidey, Captain America, and Iron Man. I'm going back for more later this week cause I really like them.

Here they are...Nate, you should check them out.

I also love Robots...they're hard to find, but when I come across a unique looking classic robot I can't help but buy it if I can afford it. I also really love Japanese style figures and robots, but they're harder to find locally which is one of the reasons I love Comic-con. Lot's of geek out there.

I also really bought these little guys wooden figures below. I missed the first release of these wooden figures and just really like the whimsical feel and style of these characters. Someday they'll be in my nerd-space (if I ever have a nerd-space) sitting on a shelf. I don't care if anyone else in the world likes them...I love them and am glad I bought a couple - they're pricey but cool.

Someday I'd like to score this next robot...I love this! It's pricey though...more like art than a toy. I think when I finally get enough $$ to afford this guy it'll be front and center in my collection.

One last geeked out toy I bought that I really really loved. These are Mad Scientist Blocks. They are wooden, laser engraved, and the perfect play toy for aspiring mad scientists. I won't disclose the price, but I will say they're worth every penny.

Here comes the moon...

Abby wrote this song tonight.

Peano

here comes the moon
shining in the night
here comes the moon
shining in the dark
here comes the moon shining
i love to see the moon shining
every night i am so happy
to see the moon.

end

She has a little piano tune to go with it...I need to record it and share it. It's very cute.

Two more things:

Abby asked what Memorial Day is, and I said "it's when we remember our loved ones who have died". She said "when we have someone we love die, let's write them a note and tie it to a balloon and send it up to heaven.

Today at Maddie's school they learned about dairy. They tasted whipped cream, ice cream, milk, and all the kids were asked what their favorite dairy product was. All the other kids said Ice Cream. Maddie said "milk".

She sure loves her milky!

My little girls...

I'm so lucky to have little girls. I know boys are fun, and I'd love a boy to play with, to take to Priesthood session, to take home teaching, and to add a new flavor to the house...but really, I'm so happy with my girls. I'm a lucky lucky Dad.

I wanted to share a couple of things, just from today...

Maddie

I've never seen a kid so programmed for creativity or pretending like Maddie. She pretends ALL DAY. She has lately been telling us about her brothers and sisters, people who don't exist except in her little head. She is always one princess or another, and I'm always her prince (or monster, or whatever). She's Ariel, Aurora, Belle, Anastacia (her own creation). She does it up in a big way; there's always a new dress, a new dilemma, a new villian. She always relegates Abby to a secondary role (if she's playing Bolt, Maddie is Penny, I'm Bolt, and poor Abby is the Cat). And she always is telling us how it should go, what we should say, who's who...she's kind of a little director/producer/control hound...but it's cute and funny and it's all her.

Tonight when I got home she made up and sang this little song over and over and over. There probably weren't more than 10 words in the whole thing, but she kept singing and singing and singing. And when she was finished, she would run behind the couch and come out as another contestant and do it again. And this isn't simply singing...it's the emotion and drama in her face that makes it so dang funny and sweet.

Abby

Abby is the very most thoughtful kid I've ever met. Last week on her own she wrote a little note to Mrs. Burns and her little class in Kaysville to say hi and to let them know she liked her house. Tonight, for Mother's Day she gave Melanie 3 things....1) a little story book, 2) a note that said Happy Mother's Day, and 3) a recipe. Here's what the Recipe looked like (word for word):

Cookies By Abby

Ingrains
Milk
Sugar (she had this spelled differently this morning but she figured out how to do spell check and corrected it)
Flower
Cholet chips
Butter

Drenches (I believe this is directions)
1. First get out all the ingredients
2. Then put all the ingrains into a blender
3. Then put the cookie dough on a cookie sheet
4. Put it in the oven for 15 minutes

5. When it beeps take it out

6. Then you eat it.

There are adults who couldn't do this. And it's sweet to think that that's how she shows her love for her Mom.

Basically, I love being a Dad to girls. Last Saturday we were all sitting in the bathroom and I was painting Maddie's toes and Abby was painting her own (and doing a great job of it) and I just was so happy to have my little angels.

Favorite things...

Favorite products:
Burt's Bees Lip Balm.
Mango Haagen Daaz.
Ipod and ITunes (sorry MS).
Memory foam.
Comfortable PJ shorts.
Converse Chuck Taylors.
Ear plugs (for use to sleep and on the airplane).
DishNetwork.
DVR.
Diet Coke.

Favorite sites:
NotCot
io9
aintitcoolnews
Uncrate

What my grocery cart is filled with when the girls go out of town:
Doritos
Pop tarts
Oreos

Favorite TV shows (current):
Survivor
30 Rock
The Office
Ghost Hunters
Paranormal State
The Amazing Race

Better week...

This week I got through some big milestones and delivered some good work. Got some good props too. Lot's of visibility for my project right now, and some key execs are watching which is both frigtening and rewarding. When we had completed our work, I sent the announcement email to my GM, who forwarded it to my VP. Wow, that's huge. But it got better when my VP sent it to BV and KT - great recognition and opportunity for me to increase my visibility. I've got GMs visiting my office, and lot's of people throughout the org who are telling me what a good job I'm doing. I'm not trying to be overly prideful, but I also think it's important to enjoy the recognition and take the kudos when they come. And it's nice, to have been struggling for 6 months or so, and to finally getting into a groove. I felt better about my job this week, no question.

Found out that I'll be presenting in Beijing and Singapore next month...kind of crazy to think about little old me doing that, but cool as well. In general, my attitude about this job is to take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself so that when I come to the end of it, I can say that I've done it all...presented in front of execs, made tough decisions, managed large groups of people, presented in front of an audience. I hate alot of that stuff, but it only gets easier when you do it. And this job puts me in front of a lot of tough situations that are going to test me, and push me. But this is my extended B-school experience, and I've got to do this stuff here and now. So I'm going to do it. The other challenges that I've faced are:

• Launched and managing my W7 v-team...managing a team of 15-20 people each who will provide a key to my success.
• Presented in front of execs (still planning to in two weeks when I'm in front of G-ggs).
• Present updates and provide guidance on monthly conference calls to 70-100 people.
• Getting other people to pay for the stuff I need to succeed.
• Managing a huge project on limited resources.

Tons more, but I'm tired tonight. In general, this is a tough part of life right now, but a great opportunity that I'm seizing every chance I can.

My prayer today was...

Thank you for blue skies and pink trees.

I needed that.

Maddie calls her hands...

Paws...so cute! Didn't want to forget it.

Onward and upward...

I love the ending of the Chronicles of Narnia. I shant spoil it, but there's this wonderful part where all of the loved ones from the series appear, one by one, and start running towards this mountain of unfathomable size. As the run, the go faster and faster and higher and higher...all heading for turns out to be Heaven. One of them (Maybe Reepicheep?) keeps saying "Onward and Upward".

That's the kind of mood I'm in today. It's been a weekend of sorrows for our family. First, we had to put Spooky to sleep. We couldn't bring Spooky with us, Abby's so allergic to him, and I couldn't find a home for him. So it came to that. I loved Spooky. Sure, he wasn't nice to the girls, and yes, he was kind of a grumpy cat, but I did love him. I'll never forget when Melanie brought him home, how little and sweet he was. How he'd perch on my shoulder and chase lasers and just in every way be a cat. Towards the end it was hard to have him. But I think about the beginning too, and miss that little kitty. I believe that when this life is over, all of the good things of life will be there in their pure form. And I believe Spooky will be there, and I look forward to holding him again.

Tomorrow the movers come to take away our stuff. The house we left today will never be the same...someone else will be the new owners. They'll make it their own, paint it their colors, make it their own. And they should, it's their right.

But me, I'll always remember it as the house that we built. It has all of us in it...everything about that house reflects us as a family.

Homes aren't just walls and roofs - it was a reflection of us. It was humble, but pretty. It was perfectly practical! It was always better than you expected. And it was comfortable and nice. Kinda like us Kennedys! Not the showiest, or flashiest, but consistent, reliable, practical and pretty. It was a great place to live.

I'll never ever forget playing with Abby and Maddie downstairs. You could be perfectly content and comfortable sitting on the floor - something I've always wanted (wink wink). And because the room was long and wide, you could play till your hearts content. We played Space Ship (think blankets, pillows, swords, and a doctor bag in case you got bit by a big spider). We played Treasure Maps (homemade of course...and with me playing several parts like Peter Pan and Captain Hook at the same time). We played soccer. And we made up games (like the one where I'd throw the huge exercise ball at them down the hallway at the girls. If it hit the door I got a point; if they stopped it they'd get one. It was a funny little game for funny little girls).

Outside living was nice too. I loved watching Abby and Maddie play next door with their little friend Sydney. They'd just walk over and play...easy peasy Japanesey as Abby would say.

I loved watching Melanie take such excellent care of the yard. She cared for every bed, weeded faithfully, planted trees, flowers, and shrubs that she thought would make it pretty. And it was beautiful thanks to her.

I'll even miss weedwacking. Only after five years did I learn how to do it so that it didn't wack the crap out of the grass. It's easy, I learned. Just a little pressure will cut it - no need to go full throttle when just a little did the trick.

I taught Abby to ride a bike out on that perfectly level sidewalk. I always wanted a sidewalk that was level when I was a kid. The only place I could ever ride my bike was on the scary Stony Creek road - not kid friendly at all! So I was thrilled to have that perfect sidewalk for my kids where I could teach them to safely ride their bikes. I'll never forget (thanks to the videos) watching her learn, then go go go.

There are too many memories to list. But that house was a tremendous blessing to our family, was the place where little Maddie grew up, and where we blossomed as a family. We will miss it. But he future is bright, and there are other happy times coming for the Kennedys.

So I think I'll end where I began. Onward and upward.

Open letter to my bros and sisters...

For some reason I really long to be with my brothers and sisters doing stuff like when we were kids, like:

I'd love to go to Bill Knapps and have dinner together. We could all look at those kids meals...the old ones, the lion, the tiger, the chicken. We could share bean soup and share a chocolate cake for dessert.

I'd love to ride home together after church, a ridiculous sight of all 8 of us crunched into that small Ford Escort. We'd all make fun of other people's funny church faces, recognizing that we were as grungy and backwards as we absolutely looked.

I'd love to go to a Stake dance with John, Mike, Jake, or Nate. We could do an award-winning lip synch, or flirt with the ladies. No one stood out like the Kennedys...in a good way.

I'd love to fight over a place to sit in front of the TV. I'd love to hear Mom say "Allah", her magical power that saved our seats so we could go to the bathroom.

I'd love love love to go to bed upstairs together as a family. I'd love to hear the stories, hear the songs, talk, make jokes, and slowly fade to sleep together.

I'd love to play G.I. Joe with Nate or Jake. I'd love to be Snake Eyes one more time. When I hold the figure in my hands as an adult, I know exactly what he can and should do. And I would love that feeling of escapism and creativity.

I'd love to sit around and hear a newly returned missionary (insert any ones name here) tell us about their mission. I'd love to see what gifts they brought us. I'd love to hear strong, powerful testimonies.

I'd love to hear Mom read a scripture or say a prayer. In those moments, rare as they might be, I felt the spirit and knew that she knew it was all true.

Those are some of the things I'd miss. I miss the sweet bond of having brothers and sisters who fight and argue but who also love each other deeply and sweetly. I'm lucky to have had that...and I miss it tonight.

The last six months...

It's official...I wish the last 6 months were officially stricken from my memory. I remain in a complete and total funk. Even Mel said "you're not the same guy I married". Not exactly what you want to hear from your wife. And Abby said "maybe when we move into the yellow house Dad will feel better". I try to put on a good face, but the stress of my job, the uncertainty of the move, the shear feeling of being displaced has taken it's toll. But it's not just that, it's everything. From day 1 of this move I've really struggled and feel like forces have conspired against me. It's been one tired event after another. Which is pretty much where I left my last entry - undecided about whether this was a great move or a terrible disaster.

By the way, I think part of it is the weather. Even that has been more disappointing than I would expect. Even the fact that we went to Scottsdale in Feb to escape the dreary weather and ended up with...dreary weather. Cold, wet, hailing weather. Sound familiar? Yeah, I travelled all the way to Arizona, blew some vacation days for what...nada.

Mel and the girls are back in Utah, hopefully enjoying some of the time with Gigi and enjoying home for one of the last times for a while. Like most things, I know we glamorize K-ville. At the time it wasn't the most amazing place in the world. But like most things, I think we took the peace, comfort, and happiness for granted. And now we're here.

So like I said, I wish the last six months were a distant memory. Not that they hadn't happened, but more like I had perspective of a couple years from now so the disfficulty weren't so fresh.

And the last thing...I know my life is actually perfect and splendid and that many people would trade me in a blink. I get that. But sometimes I want to complain, sometimes I want to vent, and sometimes I feel slighted. It's probably not true, but it is what it is.

Half empty, half full...

Half empty
The move to WA has been a terrible mistake, and has been frought with challenges along the way:

1. The job challenges
2. The car
3. The cough
4. The boss
5. The house
6. The rental
7. The weather

Half full
The move is one of the best things that has ever happend to us for the following reasons:

1. The job opportunties
2. Stability
3. The house
4. The neighborhood

It's sort of funny, but...

The kids have their own personalities that they were absolutely born with. It's more readily apparent because 1) they are so different, and 2) we have basically raised them the same. Case in point.

Maddie burps, farts, talks about poop...in general, she's kind of gross. She will burp in your face and try to make herself burp. She seems to think it's funny - which it is to a point. But she's not seen any of us in any way do that kind of stuff. Meanwhile, Abby is more gentle and less gross. Not only does she always say excuse me, but she's never really done that in general.

Just kind of funny that's all.

Maddie

Mel shared with me a cute little story about Maddie today. She asked her if she wanted to go to the library. She said, "Eat my breakfast, check. Fix my hair, check. Go to the library, check" while counting on her fingers.

So cute and so like Maddie. Little doll.

One more...

On a roll tonight...I love Robots, and found an artist who does custom Robot art for charity. You give him three words, he creates an original work. I said "Retro, red, B-Movie" and this is what he did for me. Awesome!

Stories for the girls...

The girls really love when I tell them stories...they ask for a new story every night which becomes a challenge for the following reasons:

1. I'm not creative enough to come up with a new story every night.

2. I don't have a good enough memory to remember stories from when I was a kid.

But I have created two interesting characters that they love.

The first is Archibald, the Littlest Knight. The idea here is that Archibald is a knight in a kingdom of a really righteous, kind King. The King loves Archibald and when problems arise - such as an Ogre attacking a village, rescuing his daughter from pirates, stopping a cyclops who is causing havok cause he lost his contact - the King sends Archibald. He has an entire army of other Knights - bigger, stronger, more egotistic. But he always send Archibald when it matters because he has a "Heart of Gold". Archibald rides his faithful steed Bill (with acknowledgements to Tolkien) and solves problems not by might, but by being creative, by listening, and through kindness. He never attacks or fights his way out of a problem. And inevitabley by doing this he makes a new friend that comes to his rescue in another story. So it's fun like that.

The second story is about JuJu the Dragon. I told the girls about JuJu a couple of weeks ago and they couldn't stop laughing. They liked it so much, and it was so fun to tell it to them that I'm hiring an artist to help draw a series of pictures of JuJu and I think I might try and print it for the girls (maybe self-publish?). The artist that I liked the most sent me a couple of samples which I really liked (see above). If it turns out nicely, I'd like to maybe give out copies to my nieces and nephews, friends and family, to see if others like it.

What I miss about Utah...

In about a month we're returning to Utah to move our stuff and close on the selling of our home. While that is good news in some ways, it's sad to think that Utah will not be home for us. I love it there, really. Over the last 12 years we built a good, stable, easy life that has been absolutely perfect. Our home was just right for us...not too big, not too small. Just right. When I think about walking in the door from work, it's like how I think Heaven will be. A sweet, loving place that has all of the people you love there. It's safety. It's happiness. It's home. And I really really miss it.

On a lighter note, I also miss:

1. Donuts - Let's get real for a minute. I don't drink, smoke, drink coffee, cheat. I don't abuse my wife or kids, try to treat others with respect, and work hard for an honest day's wage. I go to Church every week and try to be a good guy. But I like treats, and top on that treat chart are donuts. And I've not been able to find one good donut here. They're dry, bland, and expensive. Oh Bowman's or Daylight donuts, how I miss you!
2. Radio - SLC has a couple of really fun radio stations and some great sports stations. It's a small thing, but given how much time I spent in the car, I liked to know what was good. And honestly I cannot find one radio station that I like here. It's like being in a bizzaro world...they're similar, but different. So I listen to NPR and a Gospel channel. Everything else is just so...disappointing.
3. Newspaper - I've subscribed to the Desnews for 12 years, and really think it's a good newspaper. Kind of light, conservative, etc...but all in all a good read that I've enjoyed for many years. Just can't get into Seattle Newspapers.
4. Shopping - Granted, we have not explored Seattle much cause the weather's been horrible, but thus far the shopping on the east side is just, eh. More stuff, but nothing significantly "better".
5. Eating out - I honestly am befuddled by the restaurants. There are basically three kinds - Indian, Teryaki (or Thai, or Chinese), and everything else. It's all totally overpriced and disappointing. After spending 6 weeks as a family trying to find a place we like we ended up at the Mall Food Court!
6. Sports - Jazz, BYU, U...I don't spend a lot of time watching or participating in sports, but I love BYU Football and the Jazz. Maybe when we get Dish back I can catch some of it. Speaking of...
7. TIVO - I think I love TIVO above every other gadget I have...even my iPod. Mel and I can watch a weeks worth of TV in 2 hours, saving tons of time and aggrevation associated with watching live TV. It's been painful here...we watch less TV, so that's good. But it's far more annoying. Fortunately, when we move to our official rental, we will be getting our TIVO back. We cannot WAIT!

What do I like here? I like having a job, though it's terribly frustrating and difficult. I like our ward, but we just got put into Primary so no more getting to know people or learning. I had hoped that I would be able to at least say I liked not having snow, but it's snowed all winter. So little improvement there.

If you can't tell, I miss Utah!